A Prayer for More Grace

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A Prayer for More Grace

“He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us. But he gives more grace…”  James 4: 5, 6.

Gracious Father, It’s hard for me to believe that you are jealous over us, desiring that we worship you more than anything else. You are jealous for our love and affection because you are consistent with your love.

You cannot love us any more than you already do and you will never love us any less.

Heavenly Father, you have given us the Holy Spirit to dwell within us. You promised never to leave us or forget about us. With an everlasting love you have compassion on us, for you are our Redeemer. (Isaiah 54:8)

Please, Lord help me to worship you in spirit and in truth. I don’t understand how to truly worship you. Please change my heart to learn.  Please keep my heart from growing dull and my ears from barely hearing the Holy Spirit’s guidance.  Father, I pray that You would open my eyes to your truth and in so doing, I will turn to you and be healed. I need more grace. ( James 4:6, Isaiah 6: 9, 10)

Gracious God, you are the giver of grace. You have rescued me with your grace.  Please, Heavenly Father, give more grace to love you more.

I submit to you as my Prophet, Priest, and King. You are our wisdom, our righteousness, our holiness and our redemption from God (1 Corinthians 1:30) With the eye of faith, I set my gaze on you, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2)

In Jesus name, I pray. Amen

Halloween, the Princess, and Four Ways to Help your Child Build Self-Esteem

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Halloween and the Princess

Halloween

When this Halloween arrived, I recalled childhood memories of walking the streets in our neighborhood with my friends, running up the front lawns instead of using the walkways, racing to the front porch and ringing the door bell…waiting for the door to be opened by someone holding a hand full of candy to toss in my bag while I shouted, “Trick-or-Treat!”

I look at her face glowing with kindness and I smile back at her big smile that is as bright as that carved jack-o-lantern on the front porch.  “Here you go, Princess!” she said, while handing me several pieces of candy.

The Princess

I remember wearing a princess costume that my mother had sewn for me. It was a pale pink color and really puffy…made with yards and yards of itchy tulle that scratched my legs whenever I moved. I disliked the itchy tulle but I loved the feeling of being a princess and felt beautiful and special while wearing it…over a pair of thick tights! Mom made a princess crown cut from poster board and using a plastic bottle of white glue, sketched a design of swirls and diamond shapes onto the crown. She quickly sprinkled multi-colored glitter all over the shapes of glue. Mom said every princess crown should have jewels so she added a puddle of glue at each point of the crown and then poured on red, blue, and green glitter creating sparkling ruby, sapphire and emerald jewels. I thought the crown was beautiful and perfect and I was very pleased. I couldn’t wait to wear the gorgeous princess crown. It seemed to take forever for the glue to dry!

A Child’s Self-Esteem Fluctuates

With rosy cheeks and blue eye shadow, I thought I was dressed in the perfect costume for Halloween.  I was having a lot of fun collecting candy from neighbors and everyone told me I was a beautiful princess. I was feeling very princess-like. That is until I met “Mr. Grumpy.”  There he was, standing under a dim front porch light that cast grey shadows over his face, which only made his snarling expression look very creepy.

With his hands on his hips and with a gravelly voice he asked, “Who are you supposed to be?”  “I’m a princess,” I bashfully answered. “Bah! You’re no princess!”, He said looking down at me. “You’re a mean queen! He tossed some candy in the bag I was holding and I quickly turned to run away. “There goes the mean queen!” I heard him shout with more laughter.

Feeling bruised by his words, I became irritable and disliked the man for ruining Halloween for me. Even though just a few minutes before I had felt very much princess-like, those four words, “You’re a mean queen” was repeated over and over again in my head and soon began to make a negative imprint upon my thoughts and feelings. I returned home only to pout and fume and be grumpy and mean towards my family.

4 Ways to Help Your Child Build Self-Esteem

Identify your child’s irrational beliefs about themselves. A child’s self-esteem fluctuates and is frequently changed and fine-tuned through experiences and new perceptions. For parents, it helps to be aware of the signs of both healthy and unhealthy self-esteem in your child. When your child suffers a blow to his self-esteem, it’s important to validate his feelings; acknowledge that your child was offended by the comment. Be aware if your child has given others the power to shape his or her self-perception. It’s important for you to identify your child’s irrational beliefs about themselves, whether they’re about perfection, attractiveness, ability, or based upon another person’s opinion of them.

Authentic self-esteem should be shaped in the home. Children with a healthy self-esteem place value on themselves that is both positive, and at the same time, realistic. Children with a healthy self-esteem are also able to handle a reasonable amount of negative experience. While some amount of teasing is unavoidable, you have an opportunity to teach your child that their view of themselves should not be shaped entirely by outside forces. An authentic self-esteem is not determined by an outward appearance or by hearing praise or compliments from people.

If a child doesn’t feel accepted by their parents, they’ll look for acceptance from their friends.  Dr. Kevin Leman says, “Your unconditional acceptance of your child means everything in her development.” If you want to send a strong message to your child that he/she is accepted, listen and ask questions to show you care about their interests and feelings. It is the parents who create the foundation for a child’s sense of self through all of their experiences, especially words and actions. Children are far more motivated to learn, cooperate, and be loving when they feel connected, cared about, and valued. Pediatrician and author Dr. William Sears said it best when he wrote, “What children believe about themselves is at the heart of what they become.”

Tell your child on a regular basis that God loves them unconditionally. And tell your children on a regular basis that you love them no matter what. As parents, we are able to stir a change in our child’s heart and thought life by teaching the gospel, modeling the gospel, and centering our homes on the gospel. Another great way to help a child to think differently, is to pray with your child. Talk to God together about the hurt feelings, pray for the offender, ask for God’s forgiveness for having a bad attitude, and especially thank Him that she is a child of the King, a real princess!

What are some ways you have helped your child develop a healthy self-esteem? 

Helpful References:  [1] kidshealth.org [2] askdrsears.com [3] focusonthefamily.com [4] Gospel Powered Parenting  by William P. Farley [5] Building Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down by Kevin Leman [6] yeahyeahoutloud.com

A Living Hope is a Confident Expectation That God is Good

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Isla at the Gate

God is good all of the time. All of the time God is good.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope…I Peter 1:3

Like the stars in the sky, there is no variation in God’s character. He is infinitely good. He is fixed in his divine nature and character. Because God is good, God can only give what is good, even sometimes when wrapped in harsh packages like trials, because ultimately we know in the midst of it God is working something out in these trials.

He’s seeking to produce in us something we could not produce on our own, and that is a maturity…a steadfastness, a sense of weaning ourselves from our own self-reliance so we can cling to Christ for his sufficiency in all things; that we’d get more of Christ in the midst of this so that the power of God would be manifest in our weakness. [1]  (“…rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials…1 Peter 1: 6-7)

My prayer today has been, “Lord, I believe but help my unbelief and my heart to see that you are good all of the time. Heal and free me from my unbelief. Believing that you really want us, desire us, and enjoy us is almost too much to take in. That you have caused us to be born into a living hope…to an inheritance that is imperishable. The fact that you love us with an everlasting love and lavish more and more grace upon us seems impossible, and tragically, at times not enough. When I am distracted, deceived, and drawn away from the wonders of your love and forget this living hope and your goodness, everything else is affected. Help me to love you more with unfettered abandon, to treasure this living hope, to be thankful–with a confident expectation that you are good all of the time.”

A living hope is a confident expectation that God is good.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  (I Peter 1:3-8 ESV)

[1] Our Hope in Trials: Shea Sumlin;  http://www.thevillagechurch.net/sermon/our-hope-in-trials/

Leading A Special Needs Ministry by Amy Fenton Lee [Book Review]

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LSNM_Cover

This is a book review of Leading a Special Needs Ministry: A Practical Guide to Including Children and Loving Families by Amy Fenton Lee.

Once upon a time, I met an amazing young boy, a guest for the first time in our church and our children’s ministry. I greeted his parents and began the well rehearsed process of collecting the necessary data for all first time guests. Within moments, my conversation with his parents ended abruptly with an unexpected (and for no reason that I could tell) outburst from this young boy; and then I realized, at that moment, the current way of doing children’s ministry in our church needed to change…for the better.

And so began our journey, as a church, to establish a ministry to families with children with special needs.  Like a spark that starts a blazing fire in a dry forest, the need to include all kids in our children’s ministry was set aflame by this amazing young boy.

I believe the parents of this kid are heroes. Yes, all parents are heroes…I am a parent too, but some kids sail through life…when they hit a head wind, they can adjust the sails, while other kids have difficulty knowing that they need to adjust much less when to adjust. I’ve come to realize that parents of children with special needs are the ones adjusting the sails for their kids.

My question to our church leaders: How can we, as a church, partner with parents (adjust our sails) to lead all children into a growing relationship with Jesus? Will we love this kid and his parents enough for them to want more of Jesus?

You will find the answer to that question and more in the book, Leading A Special Needs Ministry  by Amy Fenton Lee.  If you’re looking for a biblical direction for establishing a special needs ministry, you will not find it in the book. It is assumed that the reader of this book has a biblical and God-filled passion to reach all kids for Jesus.

However, passion alone is not enough to organize a successful and vibrant ministry to children with special needs. A special needs ministry is very complex and can become consuming without wisdom.

You don’t know what you don’t know. Read the book. It will redeem a lot of your time with planning while possibly saving you from a few heart aches as a result of making unnecessary mistakes.

  • You will learn the need for a screening process with parents and how to make the time with parents a good experience. This is the part I really love…getting to know the child while listening to Mom and Dad.
  • You’ll learn how to offer a different lens to better understand undesirable behavior with a more compassionate and appropriate response. Another favorite…it’s awesome to have a passionate group of volunteers.
  • You will find helpful templates, resources, inclusion tips, buddy training material, handbook examples, and a parent questionnaire. This book is a work of passion so that your ministry to families and children thrives.

Get a copy of this book to know what you don’t know about leading a special needs ministry. Click here to order your copy today.

For those of you who might not know Amy, she serves as the Special Needs Consultant to Orange and has written extensively on the subject of special needs inclusion in children’s ministry and student ministry environments. Amy’s writing has been published in dozens of in-print publications, journals, and websites. Be sure to check out Amy’s personal blog, The Inclusive Church: Helping Churches Successfully Include Children with Special Needs. 

Living A Better Story

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A Better Story

I recently returned from a glorious week at the beach with my family. There is nothing better than waking up when the sky is dark to wait for the sun to paint the colors of a brand new day. With a flashlight in one hand and the palm of a three-year old in the other hand…we walk together down to the shore. She shines the light on the waves splashing our feet as the sun begins to peek over the horizon to swallow the darkness. We shield our eyes and we say, “God is good. He is good. He is good!”

Experiencing God’s goodness with a three-year old holding a flashlight makes for a better story.

I’ve been creating and writing my storyline…a timeline of my life thus far, mapped out with dates and a few words describing significant events and memories. Spilling those words onto paper has stirred my emotions like ocean waves rolling in, rising and falling till it meets the sandy shore, only to begin again. I wipe away tears of joy and taste the saltiness of regret and sadness…and hope for a better story.

A living hope is needed to get through life and endure suffering. A living hope enables a better story of both sorrow and joy. This living hope is an inheritance achieved for us by Christ. (a living hope…1 Peter 1: 3 ESV) [1]

Writing my storyline has been a challenging exercise, yet beneficial because it has forced me to unpack a trunk full of tattered and worn out memories…some that I’ve tried to patch-up or forget with a quick fix of self-medication. I find it easier to put messy things that aren’t very pleasant in an “out of sight–out of mind” place.

Writing a better story has the power to change us. It tells us we must change and it tells us how we must change. We learn from our lines in the script. The gospel of grace does that.

Of course, my storyline begins with the day I was born and that date is marked with an image of a rock. There are many rocks–stones marking light-hearted and significant events on my storyline but the first image of a boulder was placed on the date of my ninth birthday…the beginning of a remarkable deeper story of learning what it means to be rescued. [2]

A storyline with God as the rescuer is a better story.

We all have a story…a story worth remembering…a story worth passing on. A better story is to preserve knowledge and a legacy of God’s goodness over many generations. I chose to use stones or a boulder as a visual reminder of pivotal moments that are life changing and undeniably God working. There are many references about stones in the bible. For example, Joshua’s pile of stones is a story prompt, by which a new generation could understand the power of God. [3] [4] For me to live a better story is to take all of those stones and boulders—chiseled, hammered, cut and etched with scars—and learn from the tears, celebrate the joy, and never forget that my human heart is so hard like a stone, so self-absorbed, so filled with anger and self-pity and pride, that nothing but God’s power can cut it, change it.  [5]

Living a better story is to belong in God’s storyline…this is a very good story!

What is your story? How are you living a better story?

Footnotes

Remembering the story of a nine year old child:  “God doesn’t dress you in dirty clothes”

[1] Our Living Hope, 1 Peter 1:3-5  |  [2] Living Stones, Peter 2: 4-52  |  [3] Joshua 4  | [4]  Our Cornerstone, Peter 2: 6-8  |  [5] The Alter, Tim Keller

To Treasure This Red

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RED

The sky burns red the glory of God yet is just a flicker of a glow of His majesty and power and humbleness. Oh, to be brave and steely as the three with faith and resolve to embrace those shackles without fear of the fire. They are rescued by grace, refined by the fire.

When facing the furnace of the refiners fire, He sweats drops of red while I sleep, yet I whimper and cower when the rooster crows because I’ve grown accustomed to taking lightly this treasure of red.

To wake up early to see the sunrise and stay awake to watch the sun go to sleep. The fire in the sky is a safe place to find comfort but it stirs a longing. I want to feel the red in my soul that longs for more of the refiner’s fire. To be made pure but not consumed. Not destroyed. Refined by grace.

 

 

FLIGHT PATH: A Biography of Frank Barker Jr [Book Review]

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Flight Path

This is a book review of, Flight Path by Janie Buck and Mary Lou Davis.  Flight Path is the page-turning biography of Frank Barker, Jr.  This is a book of incredible adventures! It is hard to fathom how close Frank came to death many times only to be rescued by God for a greater mission in life.

The first chapter opens with a hair-raising experience on an aircraft carrier, “In a panic I jammed the throttle up. Too late! I shot off the deck and dropped like lead…My life flashed before my eyes.” [1] Frank had many “Top Gun” fighter pilot experiences!  It seemed with every close collision with death, Frank would question if God was trying to get his attention. On one such occasion, he was driving back to base, very late at night after hours of drinking a lot and raising Cain. He fell asleep at the wheel of his car but managed to wake up in time to slam on brakes, coming to a stop in a ditch.  As the dust began to settle, he looked up and saw a sign that his headlights were shining on. In large black letters was written: “The wages of sin is death.”  He marked this event as a “star” from God to get his attention. Like the Wise Men who were guided by a star to the place where Jesus was born, there were several “stars” that guided his life. [2]

The book flowed at a fast pace with humor when speaking of his reckless lifestyle, while most chapters will make you ponder and consider the “stars” in your own life that represent a reminder of God’s precise grace and action at the perfect time.  With Frank, some of those “stars” just caused him to try harder to be a better person…he did not know about grace being a free gift of God.

The authors wrote the book as if Frank were telling his own story, which made reading the book even more enjoyable and enthralling.  During the military career, Frank had the nagging thought that he should go to seminary so that his life would be more pleasing to God. While in seminary, he discovered the incredible good news of Jesus Christ. The book is filled with innumerable lessons in life.

There was the humble beginning of Briarwood Presbyterian Church, PCA meeting in a store-front, and is now a mega-church in Birmingham, AL. It is worth mentioning that Frank Barker was one of the “fathers” of the PCA (Presbyterian Church in America). Throughout the book, there are glimpses of a family learning to trust God for money to pay bills or learning to be thankful for cream of wheat for dinner when it was the only thing they could afford…because of their enormous generosity to give from their income.  You’ll read about his passion to reach the kids in the city and students on college campuses (He established Campus Outreach, a ministry to college students) and how God is faithful to answer prayers. When there was a need, Frank prayed and God provided.  I do not believe that anyone can read this exciting and moving story of lives lived for the kingdom of  God without becoming a better person through the experience. [3]

Flight Path is a fascinating read about a humble man broken to the will of God, chosen, called and guided each step of his way by our great God.  Frank Barker is an example to follow.

Footnotes

[1]  Page 14 | [2] Page 28 | [3] Page 10

Addendum:

A few months ago, my husband and I had the wonderful privilege of hearing Dr. Frank Barker share his life story to a group of college students who are involved with Campus Outreach, in Indianapolis, IN.  Frank Barker is the founder of Campus Outreach, which had its very humble beginning at Briarwood Presbyterian Church. So It was very thrilling for all of us to hear him retell some of those very funny yet scary hair-raising experiences but most importantly, to hear him tell of God’s grace rescuing him over and over again.

A note about Campus Outreach:

Each Campus Outreach region sits under the authority and supervision of a regional church. Campus Outreach partners with numerous denominations that are healthy, Bible believing, evangelical, Gospel preaching, and reformed in their doctrine. These Regional Churches provide a crucial source of accountability, leadership and a substantial percentage of the resources for the region’s effective existence.

Campus Outreach is not a para-church organization, but rather an extension of the church on the college campus. As a result, the ministry at each campus is connected to a local church near that campus. This provides our Campus Staff and students the opportunity to partner with that church by bringing non-Believers and Believers alike to sit under the teaching of scripture. It also provides connection with the larger body of Christ and instills value for belonging and partaking of the Body of Christ.

My husband and I are grateful for the opportunities we’ve had to meet Campus Outreach Staff and college students while living in Jacksonville, FL, Charlotte, NC, and Indianapolis, IN.

http://www.coindy.org

www.campusoutreach.org

To Count It All Joy is a Real Life-Change

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TRUST

I’m so thankful to have coasted through life without a major illness, broken bones or high blood pressure, or anything else. I’m never ill and instead of medications in the medicine cabinet there are vitamin supplements. I love to run and work out at the gym but now all of that has come to a screeching halt. I’ve not been able to pick up a thin brush to watercolor paint, nor able to sit at my desk in front of my computer because of excruciating nerve pain. It has not been easy to deal with this trial.

I understand that no one is exempt from difficulties and trials. The business you work for is downsized and suddenly you find yourself facing the trial of how to provide for your family when you are unemployed. We hope our children are given a pass from hardships, but they are not exempt from a serious illness or being bullied by a cruel kid at school. Every individual and family will have their share of trouble and stormy seasons to plod through.

Trials should be expected. But you don’t know where your heart will go until you’ve been hurled into a specific trial that will cause a life-change. This life-change can be one of bitterness and constant complaining or it can be a life-change of joy and perseverance that keeps you in the boat, steadily rowing against the headwind, perhaps exhausted but not without hope. (Mark 6:45-52) There are moments when we’re crying out, “Where is the grace of God?” and we’re getting it. But it’s not the grace of relief, and it’s not the grace of release. Largely, those are to come. We get them in pieces, but largely they’re to come, because what we need right now is the grace of refinement. We better become committed to teach, comfort, preach, and encourage one another. [1]

I’ve been close to losing hope and have the weight of depression over this unfortunate situation. I once wrote a post about being a “Mat Carrier”…the service of intercessory prayers, carrying my friends to Jesus when they can’t walk to him on their own. (You know the story in the bible of a lame man being carried on his mat by four good friends so that he could meet Jesus and be healed.) In my state of despair and weariness, I realized that I am like that lame man in need of help from my family and friends to carry me to God through prayer.

The faithful and consistent prayers of family and friends on my behalf has helped renew my strength to persevere, to be hopeful, to experience more grace from God to stay the course…to be steadfast with rowing, making headway painfully for the wind is against me. (Mark 6:45-52)

I would like to say that I’m a brave person, able to face any challenge, but I’m actually afraid to face the unknown. I’m frequently asked, “How are you doing?”  So, instead of saying that I feel awful, I answer with a brave response which I believe they would rather hear. I think being afraid and wanting to be brave all in the same heart-beat is quite normal. Being angry or sad and asking God, “Where is the grace?” is quite normal. “If you have a body, you are entitled to the full range of feelings. It comes with the package.” (Anne Lamott, Grace (eventually): Thoughts on Faith)

What isn’t normal for me (or perhaps for anyone) is to have my first response to a trial as the apostle James exhorts us to do in James 1:2: …”to count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds.” Contrary to the way many believers sometimes think and act, Christian joy does not mean that we ignore or deny the pain of suffering and grief. Nevertheless, suffering and grief can lead to joy, for trouble provides an opportunity for us to deepen our relationship with Christ and to learn how to walk more intimately with Him. [2]

And there’s the rub! Suffering and grief can lead to joy…there is an opportunity for us to deepen our relationship with Christ and to learn how to walk more intimately with Him. I must make the choice to pray to God for more grace to be able to count it all joy. My life-change is becoming a deeper story of knowing Jesus more intimately and holding on tight to the gospel of grace.

Sure, I’m asking God, “Why now?” and “How long will this continue?”  I don’t know the answers to those questions  but I do know that the key to rejoicing in suffering is to trust that God is good and is sovereign. I am asking God for a life-change of deeper faith, a faith that is not just something I do with my brain (head knowledge) but the way that I live my life. [1] I am not being forsaken. I am not being forgotten. I am being refined. I am loved.

A memory I have from my childhood home is seeing the phrase, “Count it all joy” written on index cards and taped to the fridge, or in the corner of a bathroom mirror or on the dashboard in our car. My mom would also write those words in perfect calligraphy, framed and displayed on our family room wall. My mom suffered through chronic pain and illness for most of her life. Those four words, count it all joy, reminded her that God is good and she will lack nothing. I once read that joy is the best makeup [3] and mom wore it well. Truly, I am depending on more grace from God to strengthen my faith before I can even begin to smear on joy.

The joy is not in the trial but in the work of the gospel transforming and changing my heart. God is giving me more grace, albeit an uncomfortable grace. I visualize myself in that row-boat with Jesus’ disciples, fighting the headwind and struggling to row through the storm.  And there Jesus is, walking on the water towards me.  “I AM” is here! The One on whom all the covenant promises rest. The One who’s the same yesterday, today, and forever. The One who created the world by spoken word. The One who holds it together by his power. The One who is sovereign over every experience I will ever be in. The “I Am” has invaded my life by his grace. [1] This testing of my faith will produce steadfastness and I will lack nothing.

Throughout life, our faith must grow. We start with a small faith, but as we live the Christian life our faith becomes stronger, enabling us to trust God more and more. As the disciples once did, so too must we ask God to increase our faith (Luke 17:5). This He will do by bringing us through various trials so that our faith will produce the steadfastness of perseverance, guaranteeing that our sanctification will be complete. [5]

I’ve been writing this blog post for a few weeks, already, taking a few quick moments here and there to type a few lines or to share a few quotes from authors and pastors that communicate my thoughts precisely. This trial is not over and is bound to change in time, in some way. What will never change, however, is God’s gift of grace through the Lord Jesus Christ. His grace is filling and satisfying my faith. God’s grace is enabling me to count it all joy. That’s a real life-change!

God will take you where you haven’t chosen to go in order to produce in you what you could not achieve on your own. ~Paul David Tripp
Count it all joy…when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4 ESV)

Footnotes

 [1] The Difference between Amazement and Faith |Faith is not just something you do with your brain; faith is the way that you live your life. | Paul David Tripp. [2] Counting It All Joy | Reformed Bible Studies & Devotionals at Ligonier.org.  [3] Anne Lamott  [4] Anne Lamott |Grace (eventually): Thoughts on Faith. [5] Trials of Various Kinds | R.C. Sproul