Category Archives: Family
Married and Still Friends
Yesteryear
It was 40 years ago but I remember the moment as though it just took place. It was our Senior year in high school. He gave me a single rose. It was a Tropicana Rose and it was the most beautiful flower ever given to me. It’s the small things that I remember most fondly. That one rose communicated a sweetness that grabbed my heart. We were 17 years old. Young and clueless…
Today
We have been married for 38 years and he recently gave me a bouquet of sweetness. That single rose is now a full bouquet that represents love, family, hope, pain, triumph, compromise, joy, trials, sadness, trust, prosperity, debt…We know that marriage is a battlefield yet too often we have ventured into the mine fields.
We are aware that God’s enemy want’s to derail us and destroy our relationship, our marriage and our family. We remain focused on giving God the glory in our marriage because we have been rescued by Jesus. Everyday we experience more grace.
“Faith not only sees grace, it delights in grace. Faith is not only like a homing device and radar and metal detector that spots grace in an instant. It is also like an addiction. The more grace you see and taste, the more you must have. And when you get near it, you not only spot it, you savor it, you rejoice over it!” ~John Piper
The best part of living together for this long is that we are still friends. We have always loved each other, but we have not always liked the other. Becoming a friend to a spouse takes years to develop. Neither one of us knew what “friendship in marriage” meant until we realized that we didn’t like each other very much. Not to be confused with loving the other…you can love without liking. We like each other because Jesus has captured our hearts. The love of Christ in our personal lives shows us how to love, to live…to be in friendship with each other.
We broke through the difficulty with learning what “healthy fighting” looks like. We are still learning how to have healthy fights, arguments, disagreeing…while respecting each other’s character and integrity. Too often we attacked each other instead of attacking the problem. Wounds cut deep, feelings hurt, and we began to avoid each other. We would avoid conflicts because it was too much work and effort to solve the problem. A healthy marriage will include healthy fighting.
Future Years
I will venture to say, based on our track record, that we will be together for many years to come and that Jesus will be the center of our existence. We will nurture the young couples that want to know our secret of longevity and we will just tell them more about God’s grace and Jesus. We will continue to teach our children and their children about the wondrous deeds of God. We have a heritage in Christ alone and that will be our legacy. Our children have a relationship with the Savior, Jesus Christ…and we pray that God will endlessly call our grandchildren to want nothing more than Jesus. We are praying that the lives of our little people will be overwhelmed with more grace.
Recommended Reading
The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller
What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage by Paul David Tripp
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
12–12–12
A poem to remember December 12, 2012
12 balls of yarn tucked neatly in a basket
12 knitted mittens for precious little hands
12 little hands lifted up toward heaven
12 songs of praise shining brightly as the stars
12 young smiles giving aged hearts laughter
12 Christmas carols of joy and jubilee
by Donna Harris
12-12-12
Be Persistent
I recently bought the devotional book, Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing by Sally Lloyd-Jones to give to my children to encourage them as they establish a rhythm of family devotions with their kids. This is a remarkable devotional book with profound spiritual truths from the Bible told in a conversational tone. I greatly appreciate how theologically rich it is and yet so easy to understand. I think the grown ups reading the book to their children may love it just as much or even more than their kids.
I would be hard pressed to choose a favorite out of the 101 devotions, but what prompted me to write this post was when I read the title of Devotion #65 (Page 146) that simply says, “Nagging God.” It’s about praying…constantly talking to God…never stopping. The author poses a question and then gives us the answer…
“Is it okay to nag God? And pester him? God says we MUST!”
I have a friend going through a very difficult and challenging time. Whenever she asks me for advice, I encourage her to be persistent with praying to God. I can’t solve the problem or purchase a quick cure-all solution, but I can be persistent with my encouragement, mercy and care for her while gently reminding her that God is never tired of listening to her. Our problems are not bigger than God. And while we are being persistent with finding a right and just solution, God is even more persistent with rescuing us and pouring out more grace in our lives for his glory. I’m reminded about The Parable of the Persistent Widow:
1 And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. 2 He said, “In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. 3 And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, ‘Give me justice against my adversary.’ 4 For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, ‘Though I neither fear God nor respect man, 5 yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.’” 6 And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge says. 7 And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? 8 I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?” Luke 18:1–8 (ESV)
The widow persisted beyond what is comfortable yet she did not lose heart. If an unjust judge finally grants the window’s “prayer,” how much more will God, who is all and completely just, hear our prayers? God will not and cannot grow tired of us constantly talking with him. He is a big God, a good God and He is a King–
“–and Kings love to do marvelous, powerful things.”
So yes, my friend, it is okay to nag and pester God. Please do so! Be persistent. God is always there and he loves it when you ask him for great things!
I think I shall give my friend a copy of this book. It will encourage her heart to sing.
There is an affiliate link on this page. If you purchase the book using that link, I will receive a small stipend.
A grand and messy Advent Eve
Gosh, I was excited for Saturday to arrive! I had been anticipating the arrival of Advent for weeks and weeks! I couldn’t wait to place our Advent wreath on the dining room table and light our first candle. I couldn’t wait to pick out a tree with my husband. We had set aside Saturday, Advent Eve, to do this. And it was going to be a great day preparing for Advent. Even pulling boxes and boxes of decorations out of basement storage and hauling them upstairs was going to be fun. We went to sleep Friday night with happy hearts…
We woke up Saturday morning with the grumbles…well, that’s not completely accurate…I (not we) woke up with the worse case of grumbles.
I knew what was waiting for me in the basement. Those boxes and boxes and boxes of Christmas stuff. You see, I’ve been collecting Christmas decorations to deck the walls and halls and bathrooms and children’s rooms and family room and kitchen and…there are a lot of boxes.
How many little Christmas trees with tiny lights does one family need? I counted 12. (It is a nice number…Jesus had 12 disciples. I happen to have 12 trees.)
And the grumbling and irritation increased with preparing for the glorious start of Advent.
There packed neatly on the basement shelves, was a large box of gold ornaments. Gold ornaments of all sizes, shapes and design. There was a box of red ornaments…and ditto what I said about the gold ornaments. And a box of blue and purple and silver and white. Plus beads and ribbon to drape gracefully around the tree. A variety of tree skirts, too. Unfortunately, I also have plastic holly bushes, plastic holly vine, twigs with fake sugar glued on to give a sparkle to those plastic holly bushes, fake poinsettia and I can’t overlook the gold angels…wire sculptured angels and some ceramic angels with their wings opened over the overstuffed snowmen, which were guarded by wooden toy soldiers. I have a few metal reindeer, too.
(sigh)
And the grumbles just grew worse as I became buried under the debris of Christmases past. I seriously needed to get my heart in gear about Advent!
To wrap up this story in a neat little package, we did rummage through all of the stuff collected from years past and picked out the ornaments to use this year.
The grumbles began to go away as the lights were placed on the tree and the magic of Christmas was there. Right there in the beauty of that eight foot tree with the lovely beautiful glass ornaments and sparkling glass ice cycles hanging gracefully from branches mingled with the sweet smell of a fresh Douglas Fir.
“What a beautiful tree! I just love the beginning of Advent!”, I said happily to my sweet husband. The grumbles had begun to disappear as I gazed at this creation. I was also quite proud of myself for deciding to unload, I mean “give away” all of that extra Christmas stuff, plus I decided to be content with just one tree. I told God that all of that stuff was going away and I would be content with just a little bit of stuff, such as those gorgeous beautiful glass ornaments hanging on one Christmas tree.
“Yes, now my heart is ready for Advent.” So I thought.
I was no longer mumbly grumbly. And after a long day of “preparing my heart” for Advent (all of the above)…I was exhausted. Evening had come, a warm fire was glowing and our family room illuminated only by the glow of the fire and our beautiful tree gleaming with hundreds of white lights reflecting off of shiny glass ornaments. My husband had fallen asleep on the couch and I was enjoying the peace of gazing at our Christmas tree and thinking how sweet it is to welcome the first day of Advent. Our tree is beautiful!
And then it happened…
CRASH! The tree fell over!
I SCREAMED!
Don was jolted out of a peaceful sleep and bolted off the couch.
Yep, it was a mess with those beautiful glass things shattered on the floor, fragments of glass imbedded in the couch (the tree nearly fell on Don) broken glass and broken branches and lights hanging off and water saturating the carpet…
Don and I stood there looking at the mess and staring wide-eyed and speechless at each other. (sigh)
I spoke out loud to God and said, “I get it, God. I get it! It’s all yours! Advent is all about JESUS. This tree is not what it’s all about. Those beautiful glass ornaments do not reflect your glory.” And I began to laugh.
The messiness of Advent Eve brought my heart to a true place of worship and repentance. Advent is celebrating God keeping his promise to send a savior, Christ the Lord. God is a covenant keeper.
“Our God in heaven, thank you that you did not remain there. You could have justly condemned us for our guilt, our devotion to idols, our constant self-seeking, self-absorbed, self-aggrandizing lives. But you did not. You came.” ~Tim Keller (from 843 Acres, The Devotional Blog of The Park Forum: Advent: The Feet That Bring Good News.
By the way, a friend told me about some families that were unable to have a decorated Christmas tree…they do now!
Five Minute Friday: Wonder
Here I am writing for five minutes about the topic of Wonder…
I wonder why God loves me so when I continually choose not to love Him so. Sin gets in the way.
I wonder why this huge God would humble himself to the point of becoming our [my] Savior. It is shocking to understand the incarnation of Jesus Christ. The ultimate sacrifice and humility to be all man and all God…just for me. (Just for you) I wonder, why me. (Do you wonder, why you?) I wonder…why not me. (Do you wonder that?)
Am I worth it? Hmmm.
(God must think so!)
And I wonder at the majesty of God to love insignificant me so much.
I also want to have an Elf on a Shelf. Does this sound silly? I wonder if it is silly. My husband and I are empty nesters and I have two sweet and precious granddaughters ages two years and three months. My wonder about Christmas coming and the excitement of the celebration coupled with imagination is to have an elf on a shelf for them and when they discover the elf, the prize is reading a chapter from The Jesus Story Book Bible (a great book!) …plus give them a little treat or bake cookies together or go on an outing, or…endless options!
The wonder of Christmas should be about Jesus. The amazing gift of love and grace from our Heavenly Father. Christmas is knowing what love means…It means that His love is neither conditional, nor changeable, God’s love is constant and faithful. I want to impart that wonder to my granddaughters!
This is my wonder…to ponder the love of Jesus for us.
STOP
Five Minute Friday is a challenge where you write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, over thinking or backtracking on a given topic. If you would like to read what others are sharing about this topic jump over to Lisa-Jo Baker :: tales from a Gypsy Mama
“Supper’s Ready!” family dinner devotions
“Supper’s Ready!” I loved hearing my Mom or Dad shout those words to us. Besides being hungry, dinner became a great highlight of our day because we were all together, enjoying a meal, listening to each other talk about school and friends. We laughed a lot and we bickered too, but inevitably after dinner, my father would direct our attention to listen to scripture being read…either by him or Mom and sometimes one of us kids would take a turn reading. We would talk about the verses or passage of scripture and my parents would help us to see an application that was relevant to our situation. They would explain the meaning of words, doctrine, theology and the bible stories were always full of adventure, intrigue and alive with God’s power and love for us. We would pray for each other and pray about anything and everything. Our family devotional time became a tradition. However, it wasn’t always easy to keep up with, due to schedule conflicts or the tyranny of urgent mingled with different attention spans. Nevertheless, my parents continued to persist. Even though we were very involved in our church programs and ministry, my parents took full responsibility to disciple us. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; 11:18-21; Psalm 78:5; Proverbs 1:8-9; Ephesians 6:4) This spiritual legacy has been passed down from my parents to us and to our generations that follow.
Family worship and devotions became a rhythm with my husband and I when raising our children. It’s a beautiful thing to see God’s promises fulfilled in our next generation as we watch our grown children teach their very young children about Jesus.
The following are suggestions and simple steps for beginning to incorporate a tradition of family worship and devotions.
Step 1. Eat dinner with your entire family regularly.
Step 2. Mom and Dad sit next to one another to lead the family discussion.
Step 3. Open the meal by asking if there is anyone or anything to pray for.
Step 4. Someone opens in prayer and covers any requests. This task should be rotated among family members so that different people take turns learning to pray aloud.
Step 5. Start eating and discuss how everyone’s day went.
Step 6. Have a Bible in front of the parents in a translation that is age-appropriate for the kids’ reading level. Have someone (parent or child) open the Bible, and assign a portion to read aloud while everyone is eating and listening.
Step 7. Parents should note key words and themes in the passage and explain them to the kids on an age-appropriate level.
Step 8. Ask questions about the passage. You may want to begin with having your children summarize what was read—retelling the story or passage outline. Then, ask the following questions: What does this passage teach us about God? What does it say about us or about how God sees us? What does it teach us about our relationships with others?
Step 9. Let the conversation happen naturally, listen carefully to the kids, let them answer the questions, and fill in whatever they miss or lovingly and gently correct whatever they get wrong so as to help them.
Step 10. If the Scriptures convict you of sin, repent as you need to your family, and share appropriately honest parts of your life story so the kids can see Jesus’ work in your life and your need for him too. This demonstrates gospel humility to them.
Step 11. At the end of dinner, ask the kids if they have any questions for you.
Step 12. If you miss a night, or if conversation gets off track, or if your family occasionally just wants to talk about something else, don’t stress—it’s inevitable.
For your children, the point is to learn what they are thinking about God, to help them know and love Jesus as God and Savior, and to teach them how to articulate and explain their Christian faith. For parents, the point is to lovingly instruct children and each other—thereby creating a family culture in which every member freely and naturally talks about God and prays to him together. In short, the goal is simply that your family would open the Bible and grow in love for Jesus, one another, your church, and the world.
Finally, remember that family Bible study requires a sense of humor, so make sure to have some fun, enjoy some laughs, and build some memories. Discussing the Scriptures is a wonderful way to see into the heart of your children, and to reveal your heart for them and Jesus’ heart for you all.
What you do for God beyond your home
will typically never be greater than what you practice with God within your home
~Timothy Paul Jones
Taming the Woolly Mammoth
I wrote this two years ago. That woolly mammoth still needs taming, on occasion but thankfully grief is not “the elephant in the room” any longer. We talk about our life without her and lean into the grief and not run from it. It’s amazing how much fun my father and I have together. Mom is pleased, I am sure!
I was with my Dad yesterday. I went to his house to see him. Dad said that I never come over anymore. I have not intentionally stayed away from Dad because we talk all the time and we meet for lunch and dinner on a regular basis. However, after being with him in his home, I realized that I have avoided going there. Even pulling into the driveway and looking at the trees and wilted flower pots filled my chest with void and heaviness. It was difficult to open the back door and walk in. It’s as though I have to push against a huge woolly mammoth to move out of my way just so I can walk in his home. I can’t breathe. And then my father sees me. His smile is big, his arms opened as he moves towards me and we hug and the elephant sitting on my chest doesn’t feel quite as heavy.
I miss mom so very much. My dad misses her more. I seriously doubt that Dad would use the analogy of a woolly mammoth on his chest to describe grief, but he does relate to the heaviness and emptiness without Mom. Yet, I see a growing peace in his soul as the Lord gently helps him deal with his loss.
He found Mom’s poetry! We thought she had mistakenly thrown the file away, but it was in her office all this time. On top of a shelf, under a stack of books. Dad has been organizing the office, reading her notes, letters, books that she loved…and he discovered the file of poetry. The more I sat with Dad in “his office” and listened to him talk about Mom and her poetry, the more that woolly mammoth moved further away. God is so good. He is more than so good. I can’t describe how good. Only God can tame the woolly mammoth. He is. There is peace in my soul.
Donna Harris‑More Grace 